Myspace kids that Time Forgot … and more Brandon Failton. 6 comments

Sticky Drama has most likely gone to the dogs, while I appreciate that Chris needs to make money in order to sustain his existence as well as this site, I think we can all agree the pop ups and redirected pages are pissing us off.

Add to that the fact that Amor Hilton has gotten boring, so much hypocrisy is only interesting for a limited amount of time (and I doubt anything else she does now will surprise us), Dahvies suspected kiddie fiddling is frankly overdone and I think we are all aware that Taryn Elizabeth is not a size 0 and spends too many hours on photoshop.

To write a decent post, I have to either go on about the same deluded events that amalgamate to become Brandon Hiltons life. On troll the graveyard of Myspace for some lulz.


Introducing ‘Tri$h Brutal’ whose 33K of inactive myspace friends are enough to convince her that a circa 2007 coon-tail hair style is still socially acceptable. She also happens to own a copy of Photoshop and the handbook of ‘Fat Girl Angle Shots for SIF’s and Dummies’.

She also has somehow managed to procreate (She has a 9 month old son). Surprise surprise, the guy featured in the photo is not the father, but her internet boyfriend turned IRL BF. At this point I will add that according to her myspace she is 20 (so unusually this was all legal..unless she committed statutory rape herself).

Because for my writing ability, I feel that this is a terrible post, I will finish it with a crescendo of fail, by feeding @BrandonHilton’s ego.

Watch this video of one of his terrible shows
How much money are you wasting on your failing attempt of a music career Brandon? Did you even pay for the cardboard cut-out at the front to make it look like someone would bother watching this bar your poor Mother?


New lows of Kevin Kemo 17 comments

Infamous and desperate suspected man-girl Kevin ‘Kemo’ Lactose has reached new lows on his quest to play ‘hide the sausage’ with yet more SIF’s and STI infected 15 year olds with internet access.
Kevin the self proclaimed ‘Man About Town’ Kemo has in the past created a comical and failtastic website to find his ‘perfect girl’….aptly described by him as ‘must have all 4 limbs, hair in the right places and a non-saggy vagina’. As well as publicly cumming in his pants over being complimented and told he looks like Ian Vuitton by the Insane Clown Posses newest member Amor Hilton.

He has now succumbed to the lures of the free dating website.

Plenty of Fish.


Here are some of the lovely ladies the deluded blue-haired troll boy could be contacting:

It would not surprise me if Kevin attempted to jump on the Statutory-Rape Bandwagon in an endeavor to gain both the love and fame that he so desperately craves and fails to achieve.

Your failure never disappoints. I pity you Kevin.
His Plenty of Fish Profile:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=19641209

Direct your abuse here:
http://www.formspring.me/KevinKemo


How to Spot a Pedophile 60 comments

[Sticky’s note:  In my opinion this is the best user-submitted post ever.  Had me smiling from the beginning and busting out laughter at the end.  And as best as I could see, not a single damn typo in the whole piece.  Congratulations, great writing!]

Hello Children,

Once upon a time the internet was a safe place, and all children had to fear was strange men in playgrounds, hanging outside schools, catholic priests, and anyone who offered you sweets or promised to show you their ‘puppy’. However … there are many types of pedophiles, and most of those pedophiles have acquired internet access in order to pursue their perverse activities with even greater ease.

I will demonstrate the different disguises and means these sick but cunning bastards use in order to to snare their loli’s and shotas.

The Classic Pedophile

This young man is clearly a pedophile:


Note: The suspicious glasses, which he has also given to his victim (sitting next to him, yes an 11 year old girl) in order to buy her into bed.
Also Note: The scary look of determination on his face which suggests that the person taking the photo is also a kiddie he desperately wants to fiddle.

I must also add his name is Milo (which automatically makes him a pedophile regardless of any contradictory evidence).

Another example is the Metal/Scene Man

This predator is regarded as extremely ruthless and internet savvy. They are highly unashamed in their crimes and have no qualms with breaking statutory rape laws or even getting involved in voyeuristic sleep-rape escapades. You can spot them by lurking their Facebook/Myspace/etc where they will have thousands of lolis added, and will leave comments such as ‘Show me ur n00dz bebe xo’.

Fat Men

Because (as I’ve mentioned in previous posts) anyone over 120 pounds should be shot on site (or more humanly, sent to the death camps) due to the fact they are an unbearable sight to the attractive human eye, fat men just have to resort to the most accessible and horniest supply of sexually desperate women around … insecure teenage girls. These online predators may not be easy to spot at first due to the fact they will most definitely be using a 20 year old picture from their ‘thinner days’ … you can easily access them on sites like ‘Teen Chat’ or ‘Omegal’.

A plus side is that you can generally get alcohol, McDonalds and free Condoms off them before Chris Hansen removes them from your property.

Gay Men

All Gay Men are pedophiles, even Jesus said so (Hitler, the extremely good judge of character that he was, also supported this theory).  No explanation needed.

Women

All women are pedophiles and sexual predators, Hitler and Jesus also believed this, and their hypothesis was supported by a report from Childline UK which confirmed that this year reports in Female Abusers more than doubled. Mummy No!

Hybrids

Fat, Gay-Looking, Men in Bands (who have the stolen hair of Asian Women) … are the most feared predators of all … BEWARE any lunatic that looks like this, they will most likely take you down a dark alley (after their gig) and rape you every way possible, and then add you on Facebook afterwards to tag themselves in your fan photos (but only if you’re under 15 and relatively ugly).

In conclusion, GTFO the internet, and watch your back on the way to school, pedophiles can be everywhere and anywhere, but these new breeds are most likely to congregate in Internet Cafes, Prisons and at their Home PC’s.

If you wish to find more info on how to establish whether someone is a pedophile, watch this video:

Brass Eye: Paedo-geddon Special.

Have a nice day at School and do your homework so your teacher doesn’t get angry and rape you.


The Successor of Scene 48 comments

Every generation has had its alternative scene.

Punk, New Romantics, Grunge, Goth…

In the 00’s we witnessed, and most people on this site took part in the whiney self obsessed fad ‘Emo’, and in the mid to latter half of the decade it’s more bitchy, narcassistic and fashion conscious spawn ‘Scene’.

Both have provided teens with an identity, internet addiction and many bad fashion moves and friend choices (eg John Hock)

What this post is concerned with is, what will be the successor in the 10’s?

Nu Rave came and quickly failed (thank god) with it highlighter colour scheme and overly hyped bands such as Hadouken!

Hipsters are the new indie-preps

Gyarus? I don’t even know how to explain this one…

So what I want to know is, what do you guys think will be the next big alternative teenage thing?
Suggest and Discuss :]


How to turn a scene win into a fail. 32 comments

I was going to write a slightly more positive post about this girl, saying how perhaps the scene wasnt completely dead and that some people could perhaps pull it off.

However I did some digging, and realised I was going fucking insane, this girl is another straight up UK scene girl mess.
Bar the obvious fact that shes wearing ‘Drop Dead’ clothing in 2010 (fail much?)

I’d like to point out that I originally thought that she was of some ethnic minority background.
but no its fake tan. The phone is going too far in my opinion.
Below is the same girl only a year ago, we’re all thinking she is a poseur, whatever.

But the look at her skin tone! (At least she seems to have toned down on the bad mascara)

WIN or FAIL? Discuss.


@Brandon_Hilton so many failures, so little time. 27 comments

Usually I am against posting anything on the failure magnet and supreme dellusional that is Brandon Barnett aka Mr Hilton…it only encourages him to carry on breathing.

However whilst avoiding work I got side tracked by lolling at Brandon’s pitiful existence, and that hilarious ‘music’ video which raped him of all artistic dignity and also caused me to switch off half way through before I died of second-hand embarrassment.

I happened to stumble across an old myspace page of his, filled with yet even more delusions and failures of epic proportions.

http://www.myspace.com/brandonrockxsockx

Such claims are made as his clothing line ‘(r)AGE’ would be in stores such as Macy’s and Urban Outfitters WorldWide as of Fall 2007…………….ORLY Brandon?

As you can see below, a blind fashion unconscious 7 year old could make more proffesional and original designs.

(Sorry I cant get them any bigger, these were the size they were in his blog)

Nice use of felt tip Brandon.

He also claimed that his line was going to be featuring in New York Fashion Week (lol lol) which he was holding a ‘competition’ for models…interestingly the blog which featured these egocentric preposterous ramblings only got 3 replies…one being obvious spam.

Perhaps if his glorious fashion line had made it as well as his makeup, modeling and music he would have been able to sort out that beak nose and overbite….one can only dream.

Sorry if this is old news btw, I wasn’t aware of it being unearthed before.


Oh god, Kevin Kemo….a clothing range. 7 comments

Androgynous bandwagon jumper and epic failure Kevin ‘Kemo’ seemed to have recently returned to the net, to the sound of multiple cringes and rejoice from various adoring SIF’s.

After seeing Jackson Jackbreakers new food inspired (surprise surprise) clothing ‘range’, I thought I’d seen the worst of the T-Shirt attempts from Z list E-Celeb LOLcows…but no, Kevin has surpassed his previous failings and come up with something even worse…oh god.
As always, its hard to tell if this kid is serious….but be ready to /facepalm.
‘Kemos Fashion Therapy’….coming to an ebay account near you.


So whats next from the main cause of secondhand embarassment? A music attempt? Maybe a fake duet with Elton John? Or perhaps a sex offence? IDK but he’s now got FormSpring….a sure trolls goldmine.


Scene is dead, you didn’t get the memo? 12 comments

This girls donned herself ‘Kitty Amor Valentine’, she worships Amor Hilton and fittingly slaps her makeup on with a shuvel.

She’s either just an OTT Wannabe, or shes seriously delusional…as this was on her facebook:
‘? Verified Official Celeb.
? Verified Account official
Real ?????????? 100%
? Official Sitemodel®
? Verified © Profile Original & Official®’

Yes those are coon stripes dyed into her fringe, not just extensions…and no this wasnt uploaded in 2007….it was uploaded March 31st 2010….I am dying of secondhand embarassment.

You may recognise this SIF from a previous post, idk
It may just be my personal opinion but by the time youre 17/8 you should be starting to grow out of fads, and stop dipping your fringe in pink paint.

Heres a tip lassy, if you’re so uncomfortable with your looks that you have to over photoshop, you need to pick up some Slim Fast and sort it out…though to get rid of that massive bumchin, surgery is the only way forward.

This couple is so scene that their wardrobes combined must create the whole of Hot Topics stock, and their combined friend count must rival Jeffree Stars. How much did the phone cover cost your ashamed parents?

The MS Paint tattoos aren’t fooling anyone. And the fact that you actually have a good body doesnt make up for the fact you look like an utter slut.

This girl seems to be some delusional ‘e celeb’.. as hses made herself a facebook fan page
PS do you trip over those ratty, unmatching $5 extensions?

Girl I want to find the person who cut your hair and personally punch them in the face, but why did you make it even worse and add the completely unblended extensions?

I didnt think failure on this level was possible 0__o


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