So you’ve followed ‘How to be a SIF’ (My last post), but now you’ve realized no one cares about your lardy arse, and you’ve looked in the mirror and thrown up all over your rolls in self-disgust.
The good news is after throwing up your 7 breakfasts from this morning you’re on the right track to being a self proclaimed E-Celeb and therefore bitched about on this lovely site.
Congratulations, you’ve acquired an eating disorder, the first step towards your goal. Arm yourself with a SLR Digital Camera and a parent willing to take provocative pictures of you in your underwear and follow these steps:
There are 3 main types of E-Celeb
The Whore, The Delusional and The Bitch.
Of course E-Celebs have all 3 properties in vast quantities; however each is known for one property more than the others.
Give yourself a fucktarded name, perhaps even steal the second name of a high profile celebrity. Everyone knows you’re not going to become E-famous if you’re called ‘Kirstin Ostrenga’. But lets face it, br00t4l names like ‘Milly Massacre’ are on the way out … don’t make yourself sound too much like a try-hard knob. Remember if you do choose the name of a celebrity, e.g. ‘Hilton’, try to claim some affinity and maybe even relation to the celebrity. Because if you get well known enough, nothing says ‘I’m an E-Celeb’ like Paris Hilton laughing/being scared of you.
Lie about your age.
It keeps an air of mystery, plus it either allows you to be ‘down with the kids’ or get into clubs depending which side of 18 you are. Plus if you end up in a tight spot where your nudes are posted all over the internet it makes it easier to get them taken off if you claim to be underage.
Jeffree Star seems to think he’s fooled everyone by pretending he’s still at the young age of 23….*cough cough* yeah sure.
Claim to be orginal/own everything
As an E Celeb you can never be too delusional. Kiki got reknowned for claiming she brought back/invented Stripes even though they were seen as far back as the 80’s and featured by Trevor Sorbie a year before she even considered putting them in her hair. Audrey Kitching is proof you can get far in the internet realms by stealing other people’s produce.
Carrying on from the last point, looking like a clown or bit of road kill is essential to appearing unique and getting people to talk about you … because as I will keep repeating, it doesn’t matter that you look like a stupid mug and act like an embarrassment to the human race, owing to the fact that at least people will talk about you for it.
Dakota Rose and Amor Hilton both used to be a bit on the plump side (I’m not saying they were really fat, just bigger) and now are stick thin. All of the main E-Celebs eat around 500 calories max per day whilst posing next to images of fast food (e.g. Audrey Kitching). Remember that all fat people (people who weigh over 120 pounds) are disgusting and refuse to associate with them, and if you must be in the same vicinity as them, only stand next to them to make yourself look even thinner. Kelli From Compton has her uses.
An awful and cheaply made but expensive clothing range.
Kiki & Dakota have some crap on their website that 13 year old girls for some reason queue up to buy. Amor Hilton used to have a ‘clothing range’ (if you can remember it…I looked for the link but its gone now), and now just sells her cheese smelling underwear (outerwear to her) to fund her meth habit. You can also try craigslist prostitution for more money to fund your existence whilst also causing controversy.
‘Haters make me famous’
Be a complete cunt to people and they will hate you and therefore bitch about you. That’s the model Kiki Kannibal used, and through being an annoying whiny bitch and her intolerance of anything that wasn’t herself, including all the ‘imitators’ she became infamous as a 1st class bitch. If you don’t want to have a reputation for being a bitch do a Brandon and make a series of ‘fan’ accounts to release your inner bitchiness on any ‘haters’.
Failed attempt at a music career
Tila Tequila, Raquel Reed, Geoffrey Paris, Amor Hilton, Brandon Hilton, Jeffree Star and soon Kiki…they’ve all at least tried…and pretty much failed epically. Brandon Hilton getting the most attention for being such a douchebag and claiming to have a nonexistent duet with GaGa who has no idea who he is. This isn’t a great way to get E-fame, it will tend to just make everyone /facepalm…but maybe one of your fat friends will take pity on you and have it as their profile song for an hour or too ;].
E-dating, and general whoring about
I’ve personally lost count of the herpes infested messes that Amor has dated/given hollywood handjobs to. But we all remember which infested rapist she was made E-Famous for dating and getting knocked up by. Similarly I’d never heard of the dirty failure that is Jake Wolf until the whole Amor/Kiki thing. If you’re a SIF and still haven’t made it to the toilet to throw up, just stick to the angles and E-Dating…Kevin Kemo is desperate and available. If you’re a guy, its probably best to also check they’re awake/their ID before you get down and dirty with your scene girlfriend.
Bad Piercings / Tatts
Get some piercings and tattoos that will prevent you from having any chance of a reputable career in the future. The key is as many piercings as possible and the tackiest tattoos available. Don’t worry, no one will laugh at your misspelt chest piece, all your online 16 year old friends will totally think its cool. You can also highlight how awful your piercings are by slapping on matching clown-like makeup.
A combination of these properties should lead to you becoming a complete LOLcow, and therefore people will laugh at you, and the more people that rip the piss out of you, the more you’re talked about.
If there’s anything I’ve missed out, comment it.
(And yes, I’m trying to distract myself from doing Course Work atm.)
These Transgendered flamboyant she/hes have been or still are the hottest Transgendered Queen Supremes online.
The Male pink-headed Barbie doll Jeffree Star:
The blond-headed has-been Chris Crocker:
This Brunette Scene Queen Ashton Kaulitz:
The Blond-headed try-hard Johnny Boy:
The Attention Seeker Geoffrey Paris:
Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s top tranny of them all
Ashton, Chris, Jeffree, Johnny, Geoffrey?
They’re our Trannylicious toys
They make us scream, they make us moan
They’re simply sexy head to toe
Trannylicious what a tease
All their bitches on their knees
Who’s Top Tranny of them All !
Ok So this is my first time ever posting on here but I just had to do it!! Recently I twittered Brandon Hilton a bunch of times to get him to finally own up to his lies about the song with lady GaGa and how his new song “Locked N Loaded” was stolen just like everything else… When I tried to get him to explain all of these lies and how easily he gets caught in them the little faggot (Im a faggot too just to let you know so I dont get attacked lol) messaged me back getting very defensive and told me how I should contact James Spears himself and how he will “explain it all to me”… RIGHT… Explain what Brandon? How you stole his song and Geoffrey Paris’ and Lady GaGa’s… Please someone kick this little fucker off his high horse and give him a reality check for me… If some one sues this kid soon I wouldn’t be surprised… O and P.S. I contacted Lady GaGa herself on twitter asking if she even knows who this fame whore is… Ill keep you updated on whether she replies or not!
What I said … (Sorry for some reason i cant upload pics… go on my twitter name is mikemoe25)
@Brandon_hilton and im sure you of all people would have a Brit reject song… they wouldnt give you the acrylic on her nails bitch
29 minutes ago via web
@brandon_hilton isnt that your song on his page?! Its been up there since december… you stole it sorry you were caught in a lie…
30 minutes ago via web
@Brandon_hilton o and were still all waiting for you to explain this http://www.myspace.com/jamesmichaelmusicpage
31 minutes ago via web
@Brandon_hilton motivate you to do what release even more shitty music with that horrible voice of yours… give it up your no lady gaga
31 minutes ago via web
Let Your Haters Be Your Motivators! Glitter Glitter EVERYWHERE! I cant wait for Spring Break (Panama City, FL 7th-12th)
34 minutes ago via web
@Brandon_hilton figures u have nothing 2 say to that cause ONCE AGAIN YOU were caught in a lie… haha a brit reject song my ass
about 7 hours ago via web
@geoffreyparis o p.s love ur music!!!! Your gorgeous keep it up!!!! Will we be getting any new music soon?
about 8 hours ago via web
@geoffreyparis love you boo!!!! <3 o and i can tbelieve brandon hilton stole your song.. he sounds like dieing babies ugh hate him!!!!
about 8 hours ago via web
@brandon_hilton Oh and you took one of my fave songs by Geoffrey Paris and made it sound like pure shit… crawl into a hole and dissapear
about 8 hours ago via web
@brandon_hilton … you are the biggest lier ever and ur music sucks I hope one day one of these artists you steal from sues you
about 8 hours ago via web
@brandon_hilton please explain this? http://www.myspace.com/jamesmichaelmusicpage .Brit spears reject song huh? Fucken lies bitch once again
Private message he sent to me
STFU and contact the user of that myspace page, he will explain everything to you. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! Thanks! (BLOCKED!)
WOW Someone is afraid they got caught and doesnt wanna hear the TRUTH!!!!
Remember Geoffrey Paris?
Stickam Icon who Housed such Pedos As John Hock And Matthew Lush..
“HBO Icon” and the Most Famous Fag on Myspace?
Seems Geoffrey Paris Is back to trying to Outdo Jeffree Star.
[Obviously a Direct hint towards Jeffree]
As Geoffrey Seems to be the Growing trend of Myspace Celebrities now using Twitter, Such as..
GayGod, Kiki Kannibal, Jeffree Star, Mathew Kraven, And of course other big names on Stickydrama..
We notice Geoffrey trying JUST to hard to gain Hollywoods attention…
Come on Geoffrey..
We know no one is gonna Talk to You..
You Make Music With Brandon Hilton..
And HBO doesnt Want you..
One member was posted for his fail at photoshopping his make-up. But who the hell are they? On their profiles they talk to Brandon Hilton, Geoffrey Paris and Matthew Lush but I’ve never heard of them! They’re typical fame-whoring fags is what it looks like to me.
copying a song by Geoffrey Paris and using bits from other actual famous people wont get him far, he needs to realize he is more hated then loved, you can’t make yourself famous!!! someone should hack his page
TO GEOFFREY FUCKEN PARIS?
One minute he was on top and the next he’s no where to be found
At least he’s on twitter now
If anyone can remember (back in the old stickam days) when Geoffrey Paris ruled the “scene.”
and “scene kidz” was a top myspace hit..
During the whole FTW. and the FTH battle..
Between stickams biggest entertainers..
and the stickam newbie entertainers..
-john hocks ftw gang-
Well, geoffrey was all the talk about his upcoming HBO special..
and first music video for the song “scene Kidz”
The video was made.
Nothing was ever said about the outcome of the largely talked about HBO Special…
Geoffrey hasnt spoken about it..
Nor’ has any of “The Beauty School Dropouts”
So its left to you to decide what happend!!
Geoffrey has just added the Video to his Youtube.
Which was suppose 2 been released back near December or Feb.
He has also added photos from the shoot onto his myspace account.
Does this mean that we’re finally gonna get a facesmack return from the Amzing Geoffrey Paris?
@least i hope so!