What you are about to read is like nothing less than watching Kiki Kannibal and Amor Hilton don big, thick strap-on dildos and double-assfuck the bejesus out of Jake Wolf. With only StickyDrama’s spit for lube.
A little while ago, Kiki briefly left the internet—presumably in need of a break from all e-drama surrounding her breakup with Jake.  Yesterday she returned, and her first act of Kikiness was to bitchslap Jake right in the kisser on Formspring.  Good thing we screencapped his response real quick, because Jake—who claims to regret nothing—apparently regretted responding to her and deleted the exchange from his account.
CLICK TO READ IN FULL RESOLUTION:

No doubt Kiki was reacting to StickyDrama’s own tweets, in which we informed Jake that Amor was giving everyone over here at StickyHouse a good laugh by reading aloud his cheesy desperate txt messages to her.  Later, Kiki claimed her Formspring was *ahem* hacked, but it sure looks fine to us now.
We relayed Jake and Kiki’s drama to Amor, who used to be interested in Jake until she saw what an absolute fool he made of himself for Kiki.  Now she thinks he’s a douche.  “You know he txts me every day—I just got another one 12 minutes ago, and I haven’t replied to him AT ALL since he was with Kiki, except that one morning when I woke up still barred out and replied to the first txt I got, which was his,” Amor told us Sunday while waiting for her fourth coat of makeup to dry before applying the fifth.

See that tacky plastic thing?  No, the one below Amor’s face.  That’s Amor’s phone.  Amor gave us permission to read and photograph Jake’s txt messages to her.  (Her phone can’t take screenshots.)

And there, dear readers, is the internet equivalent of Jake Wolf on all fours, tears streaming down his face, with two gigantic strap-ons buried up to the plastic hilt in his bloody and quivering asshole—one worn by Kiki, one by Amor, while StickyDrama holds the camera and tells the girls to fuck him harder so that he’ll moan like the desperate e-whore he is.
Silly Jake!  Thinking you could hop from Kiki to Amor.  They have annihilated every boy before you—recall Hock and Cespedes—and they will annihilate every boy after you.  Either one of them could destroy you with a tweet.  With a click.  With a thought.  You are nothing and they are everything.  Your body might remain alive IRL; but online you are henceforth dead, a shadow, a ghost, doomed to fuck only the loose scabby vaginas of ugly sluts like Jenny Thompson, never again the tight moist vaginas of attractive e-celebs like Kiki and Amor.  This is the curse we inflict upon you.
That, plus we’ve made “Jake Wolf” a sub-category of our lol-cows category too.  Nyah!
http://twitter.com/jakefuckingwolf
http://twitter.com/mmmkikikannibal
http://twitter.com/amorhilton

166 COMMENTS

  1. Why keep asking about what happened with kiki and jake? Jake cheats a lot and expects you to just accept it. he wants a door mat and if you don’t like being lied to, cheated on, and abused, then you can’t hang. end of story,

  2. he won’t go on “tour”. he doesn’t even have a band or car or job or life for that matter. the band is dead and when it was together all’s they did was fight and get drunk and look hella stupid and unprofessional to other bands. can’t really call driving across country in a broken up van going to visit family “touring”. He’s a delusional joke.

  3. I don’t even know how you can think that Jake actually DATED Kiki when in reality he didn’t. He conned her over internet chat and video while he was fucking and staying with another girl. The other girl knew about it and thought she and he were just using Kiki. Then Jaked turned on the other girl and decided to continued pursuing Kiki via the internet in order to help his online sales. God knows he can’t cut it alone without using some popular girl on the internet. In fact he has NEVER lived alone. He didn’t even live with just his ex, Evie. There were ten people living in a two bedroom apartment. When people started moving back home, he was left with only a few people. He told Kiki that he didn’t even like Evie and that he was using her for a “fuck” and had to stay until the apartment lease was up. I am sure he tells any current “fuck” similar things about Kiki. He is incapable of truly loving anyone.
    Jake NEEDS to fuck over girls and use them. He can’t survive without sucking off his momma’s teet or if she kicks him out, then he has to line up some local slut to keep his mind off the fact that he feels like SHIT every god damn day. He’s a dangerous one to be friends with let alone have a fake, play house relationship with. You WILL be left saying in your head, “Dayum, Kiki, Elsie, Amor, and all the rest were right!” You will think how much time you wasted with this loser and maybe your immune system will tell you something is wrong after you have been with him for awhile. You will start to feel drained, and you might not know why at first. It’s Jake draining you and using you on all levels.
    No girl in her right mind would go on tour with him because he will flirt with other girls and after his gf fights with him about it, he will leave her stranded because he doesn’t have a honest, caring bone in his body. It’s all about him and what you can do for him. Not at first though because he has to hook you, but later on it is.
    If he was a really good musician, he could go to any state and make music. He has to go back to Texas because he has some dumb sluts that are willing to take him in. Now that his sickness and horrible behavior has been verified by more than a few girls, he won’t be able to get a decent girl. The only ones who will have him are the bottom of the barrel sluts with low self-esteem. What they don’t understand is he gets tired of that kind relatively quickly because they are a dime a dozen.

  4. EW, at least if you dated him or were with him, you’ll know that the only place you can go from there is up!!!
    He’s not cool or hot or anything. He’s just gross.

  5. ^^ you forgot to mention his mental disease (he is fucked up in the head beyond someone who is even bi-polar)als. He’s not ONLY a cheating douchebag, but he also steals, lies, borrows money that he never pays backs, is SUPER annoying, throw fits like a three year old, and KNOWINGLY gives girls diseases, and is an EYESORE.

  6. my point is that just because he’s a cheating douchebag, doesn’t mean he should get this much hate for it. a lot of guys hop from girl to girl&the only reason people are hating on him for it is because he did it to two e-celebs.

  7. And JAke is a bum who talks a game but when it comes down to being with him, he is
    SUB-PAR, and he’s an asshole. Any girl that is with him for long enough with get to know this. 🙂 AND his legs (incl the third one) are fucked up because of his diabetes. Fucking lame ass.

  8. okay so, people may not cheat on other people, but people will cheat on something. sayy a test in school, or something like that, but you HAVE cheated.. at least once.

  9. Jake is the real internet whore, skank, cheater and liar here. He’s skankier than either Amor or Kiki, and no, not everyone cheats. It’s sad you have that idea stuck in your head.

  10. Everyone cheats at least once
    Everyone cheats at least once
    Everyone cheats at least once
    Everyone cheats at least once
    My Dad cheated on my Mom and then my boyfriend cheated on me so
    Everyone cheats at least once
    Everyone cheats at least once
    Everyone cheats at least once
    Yours truly, AshlandAsswipe

  11. Everyone cheats at least once?!
    Everytime I come on this site I get further and further behind on the long list of things everyone does.
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go take some nudes, get drunk, do some drugs and cheat on somebody.

  12. Sticky you’re a 30 year old man acting like a 13 year old girl, WTF is wrong with you! You’re so fucking immature, I have no clue how you even take pride in this shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were an STD ridden whore.
    But to say something about Jake,
    Almost every fucking guy plays that game, the only reason he gets noticed for it is because he did it on an e-whore. Everyone cheats atleast once, God damn. Everybody needs to stop being so fucking immature, this isn’t solving anything, he’s still gonna manipulate girls, just like most guys out there. so please, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and whine about someone interesting. (:

  13. kiki fails at math. 12 days doesn’t equal 3 weeks. get the fuck back off the internet you owe us 6 more days of silence. that means no tweeting about going to get a triple mocha fuckachino.
    ^this is win.

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